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Forgiving is good for you

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Forgiveness is not for anyone but yourself. It can help you get over the problem and release the pain. It helps you to feel better and peaceful.

However, forgiveness is not easy, it is complicated. Whether you want to forgive a significant other for being unfaithful, a friend for betraying you, or a co-worker for spreading lies about you, sometimes it can feel impossible. But if you understand what forgiveness actually means, it may change your perspective on the process and may help you.

But how do you forgive someone? Should you forgive everyone? How does forgiveness help you improve yourself and your health?

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the acceptance of the situation as it is. It is letting go of negative thoughts, resentment towards someone, and bitterness. However, it does not mean that you are okay with what somebody did to you. But you are saying to yourself, This happened and now I am going to live from this point further. It does not mean that you are pretending nothing happened, and it does not mean that you are encouraging the other person to act in a certain way or act again similarly.

Forgiveness also does not mean that you need to take back up with the person, either. You do not have to reconcile if you do not want to. If you want to reconcile, that's a different decision from the decision to forgive.

How quickly to forgive?

How quickly you can forgive someone depends on the circumstances. This is your journey, and your journey to forgiveness may depend on what actually happened. In your case, it may take some more time and you do not need to beat yourself up for that. People who experience common types of betrayal may find it easier to forgive other people, but someone who has experienced sexual violence may find it very difficult to do so. Sometimes, survivors might even feel empowered because their avoiding forgiveness is regaining some of the control they lost.

So, depending on what happened to you and how much pain you encountered, will decide when you can forgive someone else.

Benefits of forgiveness

Forgiveness comes with some health benefits. When you are angry about something or about someone, constant anger and resentment happen. They can send you into fight-or-flight mode. 

However, this response may have a negative impact on your heart rate, BP, and immune response. It can also result in depression, diabetes, heart disease, and other health problems.

On the other side, when you learn to forgive other people who hurt you, it can offer you many health benefits. If you forgive someone, it can

  • Lower your risk of heart attack
  • Help you sleep better
  • Help you experience less pain
  • Lower your risk of anxiety, stress, and depression

When you forgive someone, it can calm you down at the moment and also in the long term. When you release and let go of the situation, you will find it easier to experience empathy with the other person.

And remember another thing“you do not have to tell the person who you have forgiven him or her. If you do not want to tell, it's your choice and you don't have to do it.