Children and Divorce: Things you need to remember

Divorce is a stressful affair and when kids are involved things can be even more complicated. It doesn't matter how amicable or smooth the dissolution is, it is likely to have a profound effect on the child. At any age, kids are likely to be torn and upset at the prospect of their parents splitting up for good. Many a times, parents do get caught up in their own emotions and in processing the divorce formalities, that they are unable to give the due attention to their kids. However, as a parent it is their duty to help their kids through such difficult times, and help them cope up with the changes that occur in their life as a result of the divorce.

Some of the most important things that both parents need to do in such stressful times are:

–          They should keep heated arguments, legal processing and talks, and visible conflict out of the sight and ears of kids.

–          They need to make sure that the normal routine of kids is not disrupted as a result of the divorce.

–          Each parent should make the effort to stay involved in the kid's lives.

The most difficult part about the whole thing is to break the news of splitting up to the kids. Of course, there is no best way to break such news to any kid; however, it is important that both the parents are present when it is done. They should stress on telling the kid that whatever is happening between them is in no way his fault and hence, he should not, in anyway feel responsible for it. It is also important to reassure them about the fact that both the parents are separating because of the differences that have cropped up between them. The love between parents and their children doesn't change or get affected by it.

It is important for you to be honest with your kid about the divorce. But, you need to ensure that you do not play the blame game with your spouse in front of them. Kids are very sensitive and any thing you do and say is likely to have a profound effect on them for life.

–          When explaining the reason for divorce, make sure that both parents have similar explanation. In fact, they should be prepared in advance about all the questions their kids might throw at them.

–          They should also indicate to their kids about the changes they can expect in their life, like change of address, school, etc.

–          Depending on how old your kid is, you must make sure that you disburse information accordingly. Younger kids might need less information, whereas older kids might need more details. It is better to keep the bitter parts out of their knowledge.

Often kids are too stunned to express their emotions when they hear about the fallout between their parents. So, parents should make it a point to be there to reassure them, to alleviate their fears, clear misunderstandings and most importantly show their love for their kid. Kids often see divorce as a loss of parent because it is likely that one of them is going to be away from them. Therefore, it is important to help them cope up with it in any way possible. Listen to your kid and encourage them to open up your heart and share their feelings. Feeling of sadness and frustration if not given vent to in time may give rise to an emotional turmoil which will hinder their emotional progress. Even though you might not be able to fix their problems, you should always acknowledge their feeling instead of dismissing them. By showing them that you understand their feeling you can inspire trust.

References

https://www.helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/